I’m reading Joshua Harris’ book about having a new attitude toward romance and relationships. Here’s the truth: I’m a die-hard romantic. Which means I like to hold hands with someone while watching Bruce Willis blow stuff up.
No, really, I’m one of those women who thrived in her marriage. It obviously was a one-sided thriving, but I had no control over that. I miss having that best friend/confidant. Mix that in with being a fiction writer and scenarios are running through my head constantly. I’m praying all the time, asking God to guard my heart, show me how to please Him each day, and to control my thoughts.
But I also pray about what I would want in a man. I make a mental list and beg God not to let me compromise on the issues or character traits that are most important to me.
Go back and count how many “I”s and “me”s are in those paragraphs! I’ve gotten off track in my thinking because I’m focusing on myself. If I’m going to find true love in a future husband, isn’t that time better spent on praying for him, whoever he may be? This is a huge break through!
Another idea the book raises is that of waiting in patience and enjoying the gift of singleness. Here’s a quote from The Message, 1 Corinthians 7:32-35.
I want you to live as free of complications as possible. When you’re unmarried, you’re free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God. I’m trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you, not make things harder. All I want is for you to be able to develop a way of life in which you can spend plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions.
Though being a single parent isn’t quite what I would consider a gift, God will obviously teach me BIG lessons through it, and that IS a gift I should enjoy.
Though the target audience for the book is never-married teens and young adults, I’m finding some fantastic jewels in here. I highly recommend it for any single person, age 13 and up. 🙂
Will you do something for me? If you know of a single Christian who is living his or her life with transparency and a yearning to please the Lord, tell him or her that you’ve noticed and you’re proud of them. This is a hard place–a place I never expected to be.
I read that book in high school. It was really good. 🙂
If you haven’t seen it already, you might want to take a look at my blog where I critique Harris’s book. One of my biggest concerns with the book is that he gives a one sided view on his philosophy almost like a salesman selling a product. He “forgets” to mention the defects of his approach and the problems it has caused over the years, including at his own church.
http://www.ikdg.wordpress.com
“I Kissed Dating Goodbye: Wisdom or Foolishness?”
If my blog does nothing else but makes one think about this alternative vs. blindly accepting it as the “better” alternative then it has served its purpose.
IMO, his book and approach is more geared towards teenagers. Sometimes what is good for a teenager isn’t good for an older single adult.
I’ve got the courtship one to read next. In many ways, Jessica, I feel like I’m back in high school!
Steve, I still think it’s a thought provoking book for those of us who suddenly find ourselves single and do not want to play the tradtional dating game with the traditional focus on the physical and drawing attention to oneself.
I’m proud of you Christina!
Christina
I agree that it has some thought provoking value. Just realize that the concept has caused its own set of problems. Most of those who teach what Josh Harris shares in this book are quick to admit the problems with dating but slow to admit any of the problems it has caused.
In my blog I share where Josh Harris had problems with how singles relate in his own church but so far hasn’t shared these problems on his blog.
I’m a fan of that book, personally. Although I read it before I was married. My favorite book for wives (that some people highly dislike) is Created to Be His Help-Meet by Debi Pearl. I think it’s great to read even as a single person if one hopes to marry again.
It must be a bittersweet time for you. Sad and lonely at times, but also free of something that broke you apart. Not that you are fully free, I’m sure it still gets to you often, but the fact that you are on a new path, having no idea what’s next.. that’s got to be exciting.
Just to think that God may have plans to fulfill that romantic desire in you with firstly more of Him, and then a man who will treat you the way you so need, taking care of you like the delicate flower that you are, and loving you in a two-sided romantic relationship, actually pouring into your heart in the areas that have been empty for so long.
I’m praying for you. I was just thinking about you randomly the other day. Hoping that you continue to look at the bright side of this as you seem to be doing. God has a plan and I have no doubt this will change you in so many good ways!
Wow, simply reading the first blog and there is already so much to agree with. 🙂
I remember, with ardent passion, getting a stack of “Godly ways of doing relationships right” books. There were many gems, but none of them could have it all.
With a discerning mind, I think that many can give you positive and constructive insight (when tested against God’s truth and wisdom)… if nothing else, one can further solidify what they believe and their own expectations.
Props to you for a faith that still honors the almighty in the difficult seasons!
Tammy, aw. I want to keep making you proud!
Ashley, you brought me to tears last night when reading your comment. You captured exactly what I want God to do: be my everything … THEN bring the man meant for me so I can serve God along side him.
TJ, wow. Can’t believe you came here and read my post and left such an incredible comment. Any recommendations of what to read next?
I liked Harris’ book, because I didn’t like the idea of traditional dating anyhow.
How about “When God Writes Your Love Story,” by Eric and Leslie Ludy. The idea is that God (the Author) has the keys to your heart until He deems it time to give them to a certain man. That’s what happened to us and it was awesome!
Keep on keeping on, Christina! I feel that there is more at stake here then just your happiness.
-Debbie M.
I love you, girl! You are beautiful. I love your heart! Glad I brought forth some good tears. 🙂
Praying for that future love to sweep you off your feet. I can’t wait to see your new romance unfold. Yeah, I know it’s early to say that, but I just want to see you treated the way a delicate flower should be… and a romantic one at that…
And I’m also thrilled to see God’s romance with you deepen!
This book helped me a lot in my relationships. =)